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I would like to thank Spirit for the opportunity to channel our new advice column, ASK SPIRIT'S ADVICE, offering Spirit's solutions to a range of problems from the personal to the global. May it be of service.

Love and blessings,
Jane Ellen

Relationship Week – Basic Ingredients For A Satisfying Love Relationship

November 2nd, 2009
In This Issue

A Husband’s Nightmare
A Wife’s Nightmare
Five Basic Ingredients of a Satisfying Love Connection

A Husband’s Nightmare

Bill M. from San Francisco, CA wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I had a nightmare the other night. I was trying to protect my wife from an intruder outside our home. I locked the doors. And then, I was standing by her side in our living room. I noticed it was hard for me to feel much. At the end of the dream, I realized that the intruder was a part of me that felt locked out and was full of emotion. Does the dream mean I am in the wrong marriage?

Spirit: Why are you trying to protect your wife from this part of yourself?

Bill: The intruder wants to leave my marriage.

Spirit: Why is that?

Bill: Since I was laid off my job, my wife has withheld sex, and treated me with disrespect.

Spirit: Why do you think that is?

Bill: I can tell you it’s because of money.

Spirit: Have you asked her why?

Bill: She says it’s because I’m not myself.

Spirit: Is there some truth to that?

Bill: Naturally, I’ve been depressed. And I can’t help but let her know that.

Spirit: How long has it been since you worked?

Bill: About 10 months.

Spirit: Underneath your depression, you are really very angry; and you are projecting your feelings of humiliation onto your wife.

Bill: What do you mean?

Spirit: You are blaming her for your loss of self respect. So, it is hard for you to tell your wife still loves you and believes in your talent. She is also angry at you for losing your self confidence. Of course, withholding sex is not the best way to express it. Yet, it is not essentially about your paycheck. You are the one who keeps putting yourself down over that.

Bill: It’s not just my paycheck. I had a high level position.

Spirit: That is your ego talking. Your true self understands you are here to be on a more advanced track.

Bill: Can you elaborate?

Spirit: Who you are transcends your old income and position. That’s what the “intruder” in you is really demanding you pay attention to. Do you know who you’re here to be?

Bill: An artist?

Spirit: That’s the kind of lifestyle he has in mind.

Bill: My wife will never accept it.

Spirit: How do you know that?

Bill: She wants me to find a job with a big enough salary to hold onto our lifestyle. And, so far – I haven’t found one.

Spirit: What if that’s not your next step?

Bill: She’ll probably leave me.

Spirit: In a sense, that’s why you want to leave first. Why second guess her, rather than discuss your realization – and give her the option to join you on your new adventure?

Bill: What if I fail?

Spirit: How can you fail at what you’re here to do?

A Wife’s Nightmare

Andrea A. from Los Angeles, CA wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I had the most disturbing dream last night: My husband and I were on an island that was sinking into the ocean. We had very little time left My husband was trying to escape and refused to take me with him. I woke up sobbing. Does he intend to leave me in real life?

Spirit: What is happening in your marriage that is catastrophic?

Andrea: We are going under financially.

Spirit: How did that happen?

Andrea: The economy; and my husband made some bad investments.

Spirit: Why does he blame you?

Andrea: That’s what I would like to know.

Spirit: He is partly projecting his self blame onto you; and yet, there is a deeper reason

Andrea: What is that?

Spirit: You have cherished your lifestyle over him.

Andrea: I thought we cherished it together.

Spirit: Of course, he enjoyed it as well. Yet, he feels you are mainly responsible for the excessive amount of – is it credit card debt you share?

Andrea: I guess I am guilty when it comes to that; I just never dreamed the economy would crash. Is that why he barely speaks to me and comes home so late at night?

Spirit: That’s part of it. How late at night does he come home?

Andrea: Often after 2 a.m. Is he having an affair?

Spirit: Yes.

Andrea: What should I do about it?

Spirit: Have you tried confronting him?

Andrea: He just denies it.

Spirit: Does he offer an excuse?

Andrea: He says he falls asleep at work.

Spirit: He is waiting for you to leave him.

Andrea: So he can hold onto the house?

Spirit: To some degree.

Andrea: What else?

Spirit: You have been together for so many years. There’s still a part of him that doesn’t want to hurt you.

Andrea: Is our marriage really over?

Spirit: Why leave the answer up to him? What is your opinion?

Andrea: We haven’t really been intimate in years.

Spirit: How do you feel about that?

Andrea: Aside from the children, we don’t have that much in common. And they’re all out of the house. I’ve thought of leaving so many times.

Spirit: Why did you stay?

Andrea: Part of it was economic; and I didn’t want to fail at marriage. Then, there’s the fear of being alone.

Spirit: Now is the time to learn to enjoy your own company – as well as expand your circle of friends. What else would you like to do?

Andrea: I have thought of going back to school.

Spirit: That is a promising plan. It’s still not too late to become your own success.

Five Basic Ingredients of a Satisfying Love Connection

  1. Mutual Respect
  2. Compatibility
  3. Soul Connection
  4. Sexual Attraction
  5. Intimacy

For men, respect tends to be the prerequisite for happiness; and, for women – intimacy. When those are lost, the relationship will become a battleground or an empty playing field. Aside from those two, when one of the five is missing, it is still possible to enjoy life together; When two or more aren’t there, it is likely that one or both partners will feel unmet.   How would you rate your relationship in each of these categories?
Share your answers below.

Women’s Week – The Blind Spot in Martian Psychology

October 19th, 2009
In This Issue

The Blind Spot in Martian Psychology
How to Face Sexism
Are Mothers To Blame?

The Blind Spot in Martian Psychology

Susan from New York writes:

Dear Spirit, I went to a seminar given by a highly regarded teacher in the spiritual community, and I was disturbed by a central theme in his discussion which sounded sexist to me; and I wonder if You agree. Do you mind if I quote from his workbook?

-Susan O.

Spirit: Please go ahead.

Susan: “I became interested in what it would mean to come together in a higher consciousness beyond ego – beyond narcissistic self-concern. But when I began to encourage my students to explore this potential, I soon realized that men and women responded very differently. The men found it relatively easy, while my women students would not or could not comply.”

I felt confused and dumbfounded. Aren’t men renowned for their ego? and women famous for catering to it?

Spirit: The seminar leader does seem to be focusing on the ‘speck’ in women’s eyes, without noticing the ‘beam’ in men’s.

Susan: Thank you for saying that.

Spirit: The teacher you are referring to is behaving like a typical ‘Martian’ by trying to ‘fix’ women – in this case, by asking them to be more like men. In male culture, self transcendence is often based on a military model that includes the acceptance of rigorous discipline and willing submission to a greater authority; while, in female culture – transcendence is based more on personal experience. It is often expressed as the kind of self sacrifice that is a natural consequence of compassion.

In a positive sense, the teacher in question wants women to learn to integrate the Spiritual Warrior or male strength in them. Yet, he does so without acknowledging that men need to reverse the honor and internalize their Goddess power. That is the blind spot in ‘Martian’ psychology.

Susan: What can women do about it?

Spirit: Learn to speak up – in an enlightened way.

How to Face Sexism in an Enlightened Way

It is often difficult for women to come out of denial when the man/men in their lives behave in a sexist way – either through fear of censure or of being shamed. Yet, it is important to speak up so history can change.


  1. Come out of denial
  2. Set a clear intention to help heal negative sexism
  3. Avoid any temptation to shame the man/men in question
  4. Share the impact that his/their behavior has on you; and, remember to speak from the heart.
  5. If the man/men shame you in response, continue sharing your experience; and
  6. Let go of your attachment to the outcome; trust the universe to take care of that.

Share your experiences below.

Are Mothers To Blame?

Celine from Orlando, FL writes:

Dear Spirit, I just returned home from a seminar I attended for helping professionals. It was led by a well known psychoanalyst who claimed that Mothers are to blame for 80% or more of their children’s neuroses – without mentioning the father’s role. Could he be right? Or is his viewpoint chauvinistic?

-Celine L.

Spirit: Though the psychoanalyst in question is clearly off base – I can account for some of his reasoning. Of course, a child is surrounded by the mother’s womb during the 9 month long gestation process and definitely internalizes her emotions.

In addition, until the child is a year or so – the Mother-Child bond generally serves as the child’s sense of Self or “I am”

Yet the Father’s imprint is as essential in a different way. His presence is generally felt as the child’s first sense of “Other” or I-Thou relationship. The way he treats the Mother during pregnancy will impact his child’s feeling of well being, starting in utero – as well as his attitude about having the child.

Of course, some children take more after their mother, and others after their father’s side of the family. In this sense, genetic inheritance – as well as the child’s soul predisposition play a key role in the child’s development

Pet Week – Unraveling The Mystery of Your Pet’s Behavior

October 5th, 2009
In This Issue

Sister Cat
Two Faces of Simba
How Suzee Lost Her Standing

Sister Cat

Lena T. from Los Angeles, CA. wrote in:

Dear Spirit, a little stray calico has been coming to my door and seems to want me to take her in. I feel very ambivalent about accepting her in my home. Can you give me some guidance?

– Lena T.

Spirit: Why do you feel ambivalent?

Lena: It is difficult to read her moods. In the beginning, she would come in, jump on my lap, and be very loving; Then, she started coming in only to distance herself from me – or ask to be let out after just a few minutes.

Spirit: Did you do something that hurt her feelings?

Lena: Could it be that in the beginning, I let her in and then asked her to go?

Spirit: Yes. Why did you do that?

Lena: I didn’t have a litter box; and I wasn’t sure I wanted to take on the responsibility of her care.

Spirit: That’s understandable. Yet I pick up a deeper reason.

Lena: Can you tell me what that is?

Spirit: Your underlying ambivalence involves not wanting to fail at another relationship. Your sister cat’s problem is not dissimilar. Both of you feel easily rejected. Now, she would rather be the one to come and go rather than ever be asked to leave your house again.

Lena: You mean, she is giving me some of my own medicine?

Spirit: Yes.

Lena: How can I make it up to her?

Spirit: Start by letting her in each time she asks; and let her know you would like her to stay. If you get her a special litter box and a toy you can play with together – she will know she is home. Then practice avoiding the tendency to reject her when you feel rejected. As you succeed in not taking her slights personally, she will grow to trust you, and your relationship will flourish. Not only that: you will be on a success track in growing your other relationships.

Lena: Thanks to Sister Cat and You.

Two Faces of Simba

Cindy W. from Taos, New Mexico wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I just got a dog from a shelter. Her name is Simba. She looks part coyote and part Samoyed. My guess is that she is about a year old. She is mainly quite loving; and yet, I’m concerned about her tendency to become aggressive around some dogs. Can you tell me more about her?

-Cindy W.

Spirit: I’d be glad to help out. Simba’s mother was a coyote and her father was a Samoyed mix. The father was a genial sex addict and enjoyed conquering wild females. In fact, Simba has several half siblings due to this habit of his. Her mother felt infuriated. Her ancestral experience of dogs was as prey. And, she hated to be conquered by a lesser being. Fortunately for Simba, she enjoys the company of most dogs. Yet, she has inherited her mother’s disdain for large, aggressive males. Of course, the reason for this is subconscious in her, so it is likely to be tricky to train her out of the habit of threatening large males.

Cindy: Thank you for the insight. I would like to ask You two more questions. First, do you think it is possible to train her out of her aggressive tendency? And, second, I have noticed that she has two distinct personalities. One side seems sad and the other is very happy. Can you tell me some more about that?

Spirit: Of course. Her mother tended to be melancholy. She lived as a lone hunter. Otherwise, she would not have been available to Simba’s father. And, the life of an urban coyote is not easy. Many of the males were shot by ranchers in your area. The Samoyed mix who fathered her was a fun-loving cad. It is part of your journey with Simba to help her integrate her two sides. The way to begin is to bond with her as her new mother. She will eventually imprint to your loving kindness as her norm. Her essence is very tender as well. On the other hand, it would also be good to find a top notch trainer who is used to working with feral dogs.

How Suzee Lost Her Standing

Bill T. from Nashville, TN wrote in:

Dear Spirit, why has my bird Suzee started to fly off her perch and destroy my things when I’m out of the house?

-Bill T.

Spirit: Suzee is trying to recover her standing with the other birds by betraying you. Do you know why that is?

Bill: Because they ostracize her?

Spirit: Yes. Why do you suppose they do that?

Bill: Because I favor her?

Spirit: That’s part of it. How do you show her special attention?

Bill: In the evening, she likes to stand on my chest and preen me when I am kicking back and watching T.V.

Spirit: Of course, the other birds consider that mating behavior. How did she earn that special privilege?

Bill: She seems to love me the most and need the most attention.

Spirit: In the beginning, she was showing off to the other birds by courting your favoritism. Her daring do included transcending her merely bird estate and reaching for the status of winning you as her mate. The problem is – the other birds consider the behavior taboo. And instead of earning her top billing, the maneuver cost her her standing in the community. Now she is trying to get back in their good graces by demonstrating she prefers them to you.

Bill: How can I help her regain their acceptance?

Spirit: The best strategy would be to find her an appropriate mate. In the meantime, it would help to relinquish your nightly routine and show her the kind of attention your other birds can accept. Then, you can stop using her affection as a way to avoid meeting a real woman.

Soul Week – Decoding the Meaning of Mind/Body Symptoms

September 28th, 2009

The Ways Soul Speaks

Soul speaks to us in many ways – through dreams, visions, inspiration, mystical experience. She also tries to awaken us through painful memories, negative patterns, mind-body symptoms – as well as other signs of stress. Since she often speaks in symbols, it can be difficult to discern what her messages mean; that is part of her mystery. Yet, she is always there guiding us on our journey to awakening.

Why Ted Twitches

Ted from NY, NY writes:

Dear Spirit: I hope You can help me. I have a facial twitch, which drives me crazy. It usually happens every few minutes and sometimes more than that. I have tried hypnosis and it didn’t work. Is there something I can do to stop it?

-Ted D.

Ted: My brother was the clear favorite. My mother used to criticize me by comparing me to him, and my father used to slap me for not measuring up.

Spirit: I am sorry you had such a painful childhood; though you gained many gifts by your tendency to seek solace within. The twitch has its origin in your father’s slap. You developed a defense mechanism that involved attempting to defend yourself against your father’s blow, even when he only threatened to deliver it. You used to put your arm up to protect your face. Do you remember that?

Ted: Yes I do.

Spirit: When you entered adolescence, you repeated your role in the family among your peers. By the time you were thirteen or so, you developed a twitch to ward off the potential blow of receiving a social insult; and because you have such low self esteem, you often project rejection on those around you. You seldom twitch when you’re alone, except when you imagine being rejected. Even though you have worked on your self-esteem, you may need more professional help to crack this problem. In the meantime, please continue to work on not comparing your level of success to your brother’s. He is on a different soul path; and, yours is equally special.

The Message in Priscilla’s Vertigo

Priscilla from San Francisco, CA writes:

Dear Spirit: I have been experiencing some vertigo for the past month; and I am wondering why it has come at this time. I have been to see my doctor and he can’t seem to find any physiological basis for my problem. Can you tell me what is happening?

-Priscilla S.

Spirit: The soul message encoded in the symptom concerns your feeling of falling from a height. Is there any experience you’ve been having that makes you feel you have fallen from grace?

Priscilla: There is only one I can think of. My ex husband is coming to town to be present at our son’s wedding. He left me years ago for a woman our son’s age; and, from what I understand, she will be joining him. I have spent so many years working through this issue – I would think I would be over it by now.

Spirit: You have basically moved past this trauma; and yet, there is a part of you that still feels as if when he left, he took everything with him – including your self respect. Of course, your feminine grace is still intact: yet, you tend to be attracted to men who carry the Eternal Youth archetype. And those who do not deal with the shadow side of it are notorious for the kind of behavior your husband displayed when he chose his current wife. Of course, not all men are like that. Still, when you imagine yourself through the eyes of the wedding guests, you project your feelings of tragic downfall onto them.

Priscilla: So, that’s the message in the vertigo?

Spirit: Yes. And if you work on remembering that your true grace can never be taken from you – you can come out of your vertigo in time for the wedding.

Why David’s Lipoma Grows Back

David from Chicago, IL writes:

Dear Spirit, I have a lipoma on my right shoulder blade that has grown back twice; and I am considering having it removed again. Is there an underlying issue I need to work on to prevent it from recurring??

-David T.

Spirit: Yes; soul’s humor is at work in this case. You have a ‘chip on your shoulder’. Do you know what it’s regarding?

David: I’m not sure.

Spirit: Even though on a conscious level you are optimistic, you have a subconscious tendency to experience your life as a burden

David: The subconscious part sounds like my Father.

Spirit: Yes it does.

David: What can I do to turn it around?

Spirit: You just took the first step: that of recognizing you are repeating you Father’s pattern of depression. The second is to work on healing the way you parent yourself.

David: How do you mean?

Spirit: When you were a boy, you decided you did not want to follow in your Father’s footsteps. In the process, you inadvertently taught yourself to use your basic optimism to hide your painful feelings.

David: What else can I do to deal with them?

Spirit: It would be good to get some professional help to support you in working through them. In the meantime, you can start by understanding that feeling depressed does not mean you are a failure – or that it will attract failure to you as you work to heal it.

Of course, your tendency to grow lipomas is also genetic. Didn’t your Father have several on his back?

David: Yes he did.

Spirit: To the extent that lipomas are an expression of emotional distress, you can see that you are way ahead of where your Father got stuck.

Diet also plays a role in why they form. In fact, it would be good to consult with an excellent nutritionist to help you find a balanced diet. Until then, you can start by eliminating trans fats.

The final factor in your success lies with your choice of surgeons. This time, make sure you choose one with sufficient skill to pull that old chip on your shoulder out by the root.

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