Jean’s Choice
The Stages of Loss
How to Help a Loved One Pass

Joy from Denver, CO writes:

Dear Spirit, My mother is approaching 90. She lives in an assisted care facility and seems close to her time of passing. She fell two weeks ago and, although she did not break any bones, since that time, she has refused solid food. Is there something I can do to help her let go?

Spirit: Yes. She has had a series of small strokes; and she is in a crisis of faith. What is her religious affiliation?

Joy: Science of Mind.

Spirit: And her first name?

Joy: Jean.

Spirit: Jean is confusing the failure of her physical body with the waning of her soul light. It would be good to reassure her that the feeling of weakness or growing dim is not permanent – and that I am there to help her lift out when she’s ready to let go of her old life.

At present, she is clinging to a particular memory that may keep her chained to a pattern of loss in future lives. Do you know which one I mean?

Joy: I think so. She lost her significant other ten years ago; and she never got over it.

Spirit: That’s the experience I am referring to. She feels as though she lost her other half when he died. And since she is a truth seeker, I would like her to realize that if she does not rejoin him, it does not mean the end of light. The truth is – he was not good for her. It would be better for Jean to come out of denial and release her idealized version of their relationship, so she can be free to realize her greater identity. She is at a real choice point.

Joy: Should I say something to her about this?

Spirit: Yes. Please go ahead and tell her what I said. Then ask her to take my advice into prayer and meditation on her next life. Then step back and allow her to decide.

Linda from Portland, OR writes:

Dear Spirit, My mother is in her 80s and feeling deeply depressed. Yet she continues to act surprised and claim she doesn’t know why.

Of course, it is obvious why. She is the only survivor among her siblings; most of her close friends have also passed on, and my father died several years ago. He was her best friend.

Is it my job to help her come out of denial?

Spirit: Your mother is going through the stages of loss the great psychologist, Elisabeth Kubler Ross described – including denial, anger, bargaining and depression, without having reached the final stage of acceptance. And you are having difficulty accepting her process. Work on letting go of your tendency to reverse your old role with her by becoming an overprotective or a critical mother.

Your mother really does understand why she’s so depressed; and she’s working on accepting it.

Many of us grieve the impending death of a loved one. Yet, death is the sloughing off of an outworn body and way of life so a new, more expanded identity can be achieved. It is not a tragic denouement that spells the end of self. So, it is important not to add to your loved one’s burden by projecting the end of life onto them. In that sense, the time of passing can be experienced – not only as a time of loss, but of celebration.

If you can hold the balance between those two sides, you will help create the optimum environment for your loved one to heal. ]]> http://www.atalkwithspirit.com/blog/2009/11/soul-week-helping-a-loved-one-pass/feed/ 0 http://www.atalkwithspirit.com/blog/2009/09/mindbody/ http://www.atalkwithspirit.com/blog/2009/09/mindbody/#comments Mon, 28 Sep 2009 07:01:56 +0000 webmaster http://atalkwithspirit.com/blog/?p=76 The Ways Soul Speaks

Soul speaks to us in many ways – through dreams, visions, inspiration, mystical experience. She also tries to awaken us through painful memories, negative patterns, mind-body symptoms – as well as other signs of stress. Since she often speaks in symbols, it can be difficult to discern what her messages mean; that is part of her mystery. Yet, she is always there guiding us on our journey to awakening.

Why Ted Twitches

Ted from NY, NY writes:

Dear Spirit: I hope You can help me. I have a facial twitch, which drives me crazy. It usually happens every few minutes and sometimes more than that. I have tried hypnosis and it didn’t work. Is there something I can do to stop it?

-Ted D.

Ted: My brother was the clear favorite. My mother used to criticize me by comparing me to him, and my father used to slap me for not measuring up.

Spirit: I am sorry you had such a painful childhood; though you gained many gifts by your tendency to seek solace within. The twitch has its origin in your father’s slap. You developed a defense mechanism that involved attempting to defend yourself against your father’s blow, even when he only threatened to deliver it. You used to put your arm up to protect your face. Do you remember that?

Ted: Yes I do.

Spirit: When you entered adolescence, you repeated your role in the family among your peers. By the time you were thirteen or so, you developed a twitch to ward off the potential blow of receiving a social insult; and because you have such low self esteem, you often project rejection on those around you. You seldom twitch when you’re alone, except when you imagine being rejected. Even though you have worked on your self-esteem, you may need more professional help to crack this problem. In the meantime, please continue to work on not comparing your level of success to your brother’s. He is on a different soul path; and, yours is equally special.

The Message in Priscilla’s Vertigo

Priscilla from San Francisco, CA writes:

Dear Spirit: I have been experiencing some vertigo for the past month; and I am wondering why it has come at this time. I have been to see my doctor and he can’t seem to find any physiological basis for my problem. Can you tell me what is happening?

-Priscilla S.

Spirit: The soul message encoded in the symptom concerns your feeling of falling from a height. Is there any experience you’ve been having that makes you feel you have fallen from grace?

Priscilla: There is only one I can think of. My ex husband is coming to town to be present at our son’s wedding. He left me years ago for a woman our son’s age; and, from what I understand, she will be joining him. I have spent so many years working through this issue – I would think I would be over it by now.

Spirit: You have basically moved past this trauma; and yet, there is a part of you that still feels as if when he left, he took everything with him – including your self respect. Of course, your feminine grace is still intact: yet, you tend to be attracted to men who carry the Eternal Youth archetype. And those who do not deal with the shadow side of it are notorious for the kind of behavior your husband displayed when he chose his current wife. Of course, not all men are like that. Still, when you imagine yourself through the eyes of the wedding guests, you project your feelings of tragic downfall onto them.

Priscilla: So, that’s the message in the vertigo?

Spirit: Yes. And if you work on remembering that your true grace can never be taken from you – you can come out of your vertigo in time for the wedding.

Why David’s Lipoma Grows Back

David from Chicago, IL writes:

Dear Spirit, I have a lipoma on my right shoulder blade that has grown back twice; and I am considering having it removed again. Is there an underlying issue I need to work on to prevent it from recurring??

-David T.

Spirit: Yes; soul’s humor is at work in this case. You have a ‘chip on your shoulder’. Do you know what it’s regarding?

David: I’m not sure.

Spirit: Even though on a conscious level you are optimistic, you have a subconscious tendency to experience your life as a burden

David: The subconscious part sounds like my Father.

Spirit: Yes it does.

David: What can I do to turn it around?

Spirit: You just took the first step: that of recognizing you are repeating you Father’s pattern of depression. The second is to work on healing the way you parent yourself.

David: How do you mean?

Spirit: When you were a boy, you decided you did not want to follow in your Father’s footsteps. In the process, you inadvertently taught yourself to use your basic optimism to hide your painful feelings.

David: What else can I do to deal with them?

Spirit: It would be good to get some professional help to support you in working through them. In the meantime, you can start by understanding that feeling depressed does not mean you are a failure – or that it will attract failure to you as you work to heal it.

Of course, your tendency to grow lipomas is also genetic. Didn’t your Father have several on his back?

David: Yes he did.

Spirit: To the extent that lipomas are an expression of emotional distress, you can see that you are way ahead of where your Father got stuck.

Diet also plays a role in why they form. In fact, it would be good to consult with an excellent nutritionist to help you find a balanced diet. Until then, you can start by eliminating trans fats.

The final factor in your success lies with your choice of surgeons. This time, make sure you choose one with sufficient skill to pull that old chip on your shoulder out by the root.

Am I Being Cursed?

John from Cincinnati wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I went to see a psychic healer who said there was a curse on me. He couldn’t say who sent it – just that he saw someone paying another person to hurt me. I have compiled a list of people from my past I think might want to hurt me. Could you let me know if it is one of them and if I am in danger?

-John B.

Spirit: It is not any of your ex-friends – though you have some healing work to do with a few of them.

John: Am I being cursed?

Spirit: The ubiquitous person the psychic saw is a symbolic representation of the Inner Adversary, aka the Devil. Of course, it is the Devil’s job to lead people astray. Each person has their own version of what he looks like to them.

In your case, he strikes at your self esteem each time you judge yourself as deficient as a human being. He wears the cloak of your inner Perfectionist. And the ‘person’ he is paying to hurt you is symbolic of the martyr in you who takes up the hopeless burden of self improvement.

Is it Possible to Change Destiny? Jim’s Reading

Jim from Van Nuys, CA wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I had an astrology reading a few years ago; and it still haunts me. The astrologist predicted I would get prostate cancer at the age of 59. Was he accurate? And if so – is it possible to change that destiny?

-Jim S.

Spirit: The astrologist was reading a trend in your chart. So, let me ask you: in what ways do you feel wounded in your manliness?

Jim: I never made it big the way my father and brother have.

Spirit: What do you consider big?

Jim: Multiple millions

Spirit: Yet you earn an outstanding living.

Jim: I do all right.

Spirit: Many cases of prostate cancer are based on penis envy – not the kind women are accused of feeling, the kind men feel by equating the size of their penis, symbolically speaking, with their bank account. Manifesting millions is not the measure of a man; yet so many men succumb to the seduction that says it is. What do you do for a living?

Jim: I’m a middle manager in a large corporation.

Spirit: What career did you originally set your sights on?

Jim: I wanted to be a filmmaker.

Spirit: What happened to that career?

Jim: Fatherhood.

Spirit: Another reason some men get prostate cancer is based on the way they measure themselves in relation to the man they wanted to be.

Now is a good time to free the artist in you; and let go of the idea you were here to live up to your father’s standard.  You are here to be a different kind of man.  Then, by the time you get to your second Saturn return, you can be free of prostate trouble.

How to Interpret Psychic Readings

Psychic ability is fallible in the sense that even those who weigh in as exceptionally accurate may also report information that is symbolic without realizing it. So, it is important to interpret psychic readings in that light.

It is also good to remember that the future is seldom set in stone. In that sense, some psychic readings may predict the probable outcome or trajectory of events from a particular moment in time – without taking the factor of individual choice into account.

A change of heart can alter the course of future events.