Soul Week – Helping A Loved One Pass
Joy from Denver, CO writes:
Dear Spirit, My mother is approaching 90. She lives in an assisted care facility and seems close to her time of passing. She fell two weeks ago and, although she did not break any bones, since that time, she has refused solid food. Is there something I can do to help her let go?
Spirit: Yes. She has had a series of small strokes; and she is in a crisis of faith. What is her religious affiliation?
Joy: Science of Mind.
Spirit: And her first name?
Spirit: Jean is confusing the failure of her physical body with the waning of her soul light. It would be good to reassure her that the feeling of weakness or growing dim is not permanent – and that I am there to help her lift out when she’s ready to let go of her old life.
At present, she is clinging to a particular memory that may keep her chained to a pattern of loss in future lives. Do you know which one I mean?
Joy: I think so. She lost her significant other ten years ago; and she never got over it.
Spirit: That’s the experience I am referring to. She feels as though she lost her other half when he died. And since she is a truth seeker, I would like her to realize that if she does not rejoin him, it does not mean the end of light. The truth is – he was not good for her. It would be better for Jean to come out of denial and release her idealized version of their relationship, so she can be free to realize her greater identity. She is at a real choice point.
Joy: Should I say something to her about this?
Spirit: Yes. Please go ahead and tell her what I said. Then ask her to take my advice into prayer and meditation on her next life. Then step back and allow her to decide.
Linda from Portland, OR writes:
Dear Spirit, My mother is in her 80s and feeling deeply depressed. Yet she continues to act surprised and claim she doesn’t know why.
Of course, it is obvious why. She is the only survivor among her siblings; most of her close friends have also passed on, and my father died several years ago. He was her best friend.
Is it my job to help her come out of denial?
Spirit: Your mother is going through the stages of loss the great psychologist, Elisabeth Kubler Ross described – including denial, anger, bargaining and depression, without having reached the final stage of acceptance. And you are having difficulty accepting her process. Work on letting go of your tendency to reverse your old role with her by becoming an overprotective or a critical mother.
Your mother really does understand why she’s so depressed; and she’s working on accepting it.
Many of us grieve the impending death of a loved one. Yet, death is the sloughing off of an outworn body and way of life so a new, more expanded identity can be achieved. It is not a tragic denouement that spells the end of self. So, it is important not to add to your loved one’s burden by projecting the end of life onto them. In that sense, the time of passing can be experienced – not only as a time of loss, but of celebration.
If you can hold the balance between those two sides, you will help create the optimum environment for your loved one to heal.