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Relationship Week – Basic Ingredients For A Satisfying Love Relationship

In This Issue

A Husband’s Nightmare
A Wife’s Nightmare
Five Basic Ingredients of a Satisfying Love Connection

A Husband’s Nightmare

Bill M. from San Francisco, CA wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I had a nightmare the other night. I was trying to protect my wife from an intruder outside our home. I locked the doors. And then, I was standing by her side in our living room. I noticed it was hard for me to feel much. At the end of the dream, I realized that the intruder was a part of me that felt locked out and was full of emotion. Does the dream mean I am in the wrong marriage?

Spirit: Why are you trying to protect your wife from this part of yourself?

Bill: The intruder wants to leave my marriage.

Spirit: Why is that?

Bill: Since I was laid off my job, my wife has withheld sex, and treated me with disrespect.

Spirit: Why do you think that is?

Bill: I can tell you it’s because of money.

Spirit: Have you asked her why?

Bill: She says it’s because I’m not myself.

Spirit: Is there some truth to that?

Bill: Naturally, I’ve been depressed. And I can’t help but let her know that.

Spirit: How long has it been since you worked?

Bill: About 10 months.

Spirit: Underneath your depression, you are really very angry; and you are projecting your feelings of humiliation onto your wife.

Bill: What do you mean?

Spirit: You are blaming her for your loss of self respect. So, it is hard for you to tell your wife still loves you and believes in your talent. She is also angry at you for losing your self confidence. Of course, withholding sex is not the best way to express it. Yet, it is not essentially about your paycheck. You are the one who keeps putting yourself down over that.

Bill: It’s not just my paycheck. I had a high level position.

Spirit: That is your ego talking. Your true self understands you are here to be on a more advanced track.

Bill: Can you elaborate?

Spirit: Who you are transcends your old income and position. That’s what the “intruder” in you is really demanding you pay attention to. Do you know who you’re here to be?

Bill: An artist?

Spirit: That’s the kind of lifestyle he has in mind.

Bill: My wife will never accept it.

Spirit: How do you know that?

Bill: She wants me to find a job with a big enough salary to hold onto our lifestyle. And, so far – I haven’t found one.

Spirit: What if that’s not your next step?

Bill: She’ll probably leave me.

Spirit: In a sense, that’s why you want to leave first. Why second guess her, rather than discuss your realization – and give her the option to join you on your new adventure?

Bill: What if I fail?

Spirit: How can you fail at what you’re here to do?

A Wife’s Nightmare

Andrea A. from Los Angeles, CA wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I had the most disturbing dream last night: My husband and I were on an island that was sinking into the ocean. We had very little time left My husband was trying to escape and refused to take me with him. I woke up sobbing. Does he intend to leave me in real life?

Spirit: What is happening in your marriage that is catastrophic?

Andrea: We are going under financially.

Spirit: How did that happen?

Andrea: The economy; and my husband made some bad investments.

Spirit: Why does he blame you?

Andrea: That’s what I would like to know.

Spirit: He is partly projecting his self blame onto you; and yet, there is a deeper reason

Andrea: What is that?

Spirit: You have cherished your lifestyle over him.

Andrea: I thought we cherished it together.

Spirit: Of course, he enjoyed it as well. Yet, he feels you are mainly responsible for the excessive amount of – is it credit card debt you share?

Andrea: I guess I am guilty when it comes to that; I just never dreamed the economy would crash. Is that why he barely speaks to me and comes home so late at night?

Spirit: That’s part of it. How late at night does he come home?

Andrea: Often after 2 a.m. Is he having an affair?

Spirit: Yes.

Andrea: What should I do about it?

Spirit: Have you tried confronting him?

Andrea: He just denies it.

Spirit: Does he offer an excuse?

Andrea: He says he falls asleep at work.

Spirit: He is waiting for you to leave him.

Andrea: So he can hold onto the house?

Spirit: To some degree.

Andrea: What else?

Spirit: You have been together for so many years. There’s still a part of him that doesn’t want to hurt you.

Andrea: Is our marriage really over?

Spirit: Why leave the answer up to him? What is your opinion?

Andrea: We haven’t really been intimate in years.

Spirit: How do you feel about that?

Andrea: Aside from the children, we don’t have that much in common. And they’re all out of the house. I’ve thought of leaving so many times.

Spirit: Why did you stay?

Andrea: Part of it was economic; and I didn’t want to fail at marriage. Then, there’s the fear of being alone.

Spirit: Now is the time to learn to enjoy your own company – as well as expand your circle of friends. What else would you like to do?

Andrea: I have thought of going back to school.

Spirit: That is a promising plan. It’s still not too late to become your own success.

Five Basic Ingredients of a Satisfying Love Connection

  1. Mutual Respect
  2. Compatibility
  3. Soul Connection
  4. Sexual Attraction
  5. Intimacy

For men, respect tends to be the prerequisite for happiness; and, for women – intimacy. When those are lost, the relationship will become a battleground or an empty playing field. Aside from those two, when one of the five is missing, it is still possible to enjoy life together; When two or more aren’t there, it is likely that one or both partners will feel unmet.   How would you rate your relationship in each of these categories?
Share your answers below.

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