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Women’s Week – The Oldie and the Hottie

Jane Ellen from Los Angeles wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I would like to ask you about the current trend of older men and much younger women partnering.

As an older woman, I can tell you it is strange to walk into a room without being looked at as dating material by men of your peer group. I have several single women friends who share this experience. We all look young for our age, are in excellent shape and very vital. Of course, it cannot be healthy for younger women to grow up with the expectation that their beauty will be obsolete by the time they are 40 – and to fear their youthful same age marriage will end with their husband trading them in for a younger model. To me, the worst feature of this scene is women’s silence on the subject.

Is this a passing phase? Or, is it the way of the future?

-Jane Ellen

Spirit: If women do not accept it, then it will be a passing fantasy. Curiously, the younger woman who indulges the older man – or seeks him out, is in the sexist position.

Jane Ellen: How so?

Spirit: She sees her youthful beauty as a way to get her need for economic security handled, as well as a guarantee that she will remain viable.

Part of the issue is panic buying due to the post 9/11 economy. Most women naturally prefer a sexual partner who is not old enough – or nearly so, to be their father.

The men who seek much younger women are indulging their Eternal Youth fantasy, and acting out their aging trauma by rejecting the women of their generation as mates – as well as refusing the lesson of the Sage.

Jane Ellen: Which is?

Spirit: True power is spiritual, and beauty is not skin deep. In fact, the timeless beauty the Sage is here to connect with is his Inner Feminine, who is there to guide him on his soul journey – beyond ego – to the next stage of self realization.

What Freud would Say

There is yet another dimension to this problem. The incest pattern Freud described as the ‘Oedipus Complex’ needs healing. In that sense, the increase in Father-Daughter age pairings is auspicious.

Jane EllenHow so?

Spirit: When the Unconscious is at work to bring change, it will intensify an issue in order to get the attention of the Conscious Mind, as if to say: ‘What is the problem with this picture?’

In this case, the incest drama played out in the home – psychologically, if not sexually, is being portrayed on the stage of the glamour magazines. Most of the younger women who strike this bargain become parentified daughters who are there to stroke ‘daddy’s’ ego and be his trophy doll in exchange for the keys to his kingdom.

Jane Ellen: What is the cure?

Spirit: Economic independence is certainly a key, as is women’s solidarity. Historically, women have been imprinted to compete for alpha men. Yet history is in a flow of change from patriarchy to a co-equal society in which the ‘Double Standard’ is here to be supplanted by the ‘Golden Rule’.

Questions To Ask Yourself

  1. How much has your choice of a mate or mates been determined by economic necessity? If you were free of the concern, would you be living differently?
  2. Have you ever been left for a younger women – or, been afraid it might happen? If so, were you part of the problem?
  3. Have you ever been with a much older man? If so, did you have a job description other than helping him to remain youthful?
  4. How do you feel about the way women are viewed over the issue of their age? Does it disturb you? If so, what do you think women can do to change it?

Reccomended Reading

  • Leaving My Father’s House: A Journey to Conscious Femininity, By Marion Woodmam
  • The wounded Woman: Healing the Father Daughter Relationship, By Linda Schierse Leonard, Ph.D.

3 Responses to “Women’s Week – The Oldie and the Hottie”

  1. Dani says:

    The problem here is that many people are selfish and they spend much of their lives going for what they want and not thinking how they impact other people or how they could be hurting themselves in the long run. It is an immature man who can not relate to his peer in a woman. It is an immature woman who seeks older men. I remember Jack Nicholson in “Something’s Gotta Give.” Eventually his character came to love the woman who was in his peer group. I still hope to know the man who is the wise sage who is my peer.

  2. Valerie says:

    Thank you for your insights, and your ability to look at age old problems from a new angle. You tackle serious topics in a way that honors them, and yet it also light-hearted and keeps our sense of humor to the fore.
    I like these columns and find little nuggets in each one.

    They build our understanding of the male-female dynamic, in a way that goes way beyond the notion of Mars and Venus, and takes our spirituality into account.

    THis is a column well worth watching —

  3. Dani says:

    Dear Jane Ellen, I am reading the blog and Q & A sections on your website. They are WONDERFUL! I am really impressed with your insight. The answers have universal appeal and show great depth of insight, intuitiveness and inspiration. I am going to make a purchase and send you a question for a reading. I want to ask a question that has not only a special answer for me but could be useful for everyone who reads your page. Bravo!

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