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Relationship Week – The Damsel In Distress

Nancy from Los Angeles, CA wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I am writing to ask you why I am still so sad about the end of my affair with an older man. It has been almost ten years; and, I still cry at night over him. Do I have a past life with him?

-Nancy L.

Spirit: The man in question was not a past life connection, though your souls did meet in a love dance. Of course, the connection was rather brief because you fell into your pattern of begging him to save you. Of course, you did not beg him verbally; yet, your energy spoke volumes. You are still sad for several reasons: For one, you have not found a suitable replacement; for another, he emobodies the characteristics you would like to integrate in yourself. In that sense, he mirrors your Inner Male. And, like most women, you tend to magnetize men who repeat the negative side of your father pattern. Your father was inwardly critical of your feelings of helplessness. So you have attracted men who do the same.

There are still many women who succumb to playing the role of the ‘Damsel in Distress’ in order to attract the ‘Savior’ in the man they are with. So, please don’t blame yourself for falling into that trap.

Nancy: How can I stop myself from doing it again?

Spirit: Start by recognizing that you grew up in a culture where you were taught to believe that strong women would be rejected by men. These days, since women have become liberated and most households require a dual income, the ‘Damsel in Distress’ no longer appeals as a love object to most men. And, most women are glad to be relieved of the experience of helplessness that lies at the root of it. So, work on letting go of your antiquated belief system.

Questions to ask yourself:

Women: Do you still feel like a ‘damsel in distress’ at least some of the time? If so, what would it take to help the ‘damsel’ in you feel safe? Share your answers below.

Men: Do you know any women who embody the ‘Damsel in Distress’? If so, how do you feel about saving them? Share your answers below.


A Closet Bigamist

Tania from Atlanta, GA wrote in:

Dear Spirit, I am writing you in a moment of despair. I went through with a blessing ceremony in France, even though my — should I call him ‘husband’? — told me the night before he was still married to a woman he promised me he had divorced.  He spends several months a year in Canada with her, and the rest of his time with me.   He insists he stays in Canada because of his children, and promises to get a divorce – but never follows through.  Does he intend to?  Why hasn’t he kept his word?

-Tania R.

Spirit: Your husband is a bigamist. He lives abroad in order to be with his wife, as well as his children. His case is rather extreme in the sense that he does not know how to leave either of you. He has two very distinct sides to his personality. He portrays the side of him that is still childlike and despondent with her; and with you, he plays the role of detached, elegant gentleman. He feels more at home with her, even though they have an unhealthy attachment. With you, he feels free to be more grown up.

Did his mother ever abandon him that you know of?

Tania: Yes. She attempted suicide when he was seventeen. He is the one who found her and saved her life.

Spirit: That incident is a large part of the reason that your husband became split between his rage at women and his need for their love. He also decided he would never allow himself to feel so much pain again. At this time, you live with his angry, detached adult self; and, his other wife lives with his emotional, childlike side who seeks approval. She knows about you and accepts the situation, while you continue to insist he divorce her and legally marry you. At this time, he does not really intend to do so.

Tania: Why am I afraid to walk away?

Spirit: The obvious reason is you are afraid you will never meet another man you can love who also loves you

Tania: That’s true.

Spirit: Do you know why that is?

Tania: I have a series of failed relationships in my past. And, I am getting older.

Spirit: That is because you are repeating your mother’s pattern with your father. Though your Father did not split his life between two wives, he had a mistress with whom he was more intimate emotionally.

Tania: How can I transcend this pattern?

Spirit: The problem is rooted in your subconscious. In a nutshell, the Inner Girl in you is afraid to let ‘Daddy’  ( or his stand in) go – even though he is emotionally unavailable.. It would be best to get some professional help to do the release work on this.  ‘Then, I suspect, it will be easy for you to walk away from the ‘no win’ situation you are in, and find a man who is really there for you.

2 Responses to “Relationship Week – The Damsel In Distress”

  1. Ariel says:

    Great posts, as always. :)

    Regarding the first point, the damsel in distress thing used to be nice. I’d feel powerful and effective (theoretically) in swooping down to save the woman, like big daddy. But eventually it gets to the point where you see the woman is putting herself in that position and it actually gets quite annoying. We’re not here to fix or save you. You are powerful enough to uplift yourself. Recognize who you are and embrace your true greatness. A woman connected to Source is now infinitely more attractive than a woman playing the “save me” game. :)

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